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A man walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress "How much is the coffee?" She replied $4.00. "How much is a refill?" the man asked. "Free!" said the waitress. "Then I'll take a refill!!"
(this one is an ongoing list....please write us with new ones)
You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When:
you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
you lick your coffee pot clean.
the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
you can type 60 words per minute with your feet.
you have to watch videos in fast-forward to prevent boredom.
your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
you can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the
timer.
can jump start your car without cables.
you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
you buy sugar by the barrel.
you wear the finish off your coffee table.
you are so wired, you pic up AM radio.
you channel surf faster without a remote.
you are offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
you short out motion detectors.
the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down.
you name your cats Cream & Sugar.
your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.
you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
you're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't
even work there.
you chew on other people's fingernails.
you don't sweat, you percolate.
you walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged
in.
your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
when someone says how are you? you say "good to the last drop."
you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
you don't tan, you roast.
you don't get mad, you get steamed.
you think C.P.R. stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
all of your children are named Joe.
you go to an AA meeting just to get the free coffee.
your T-shirt says Decaf Rules!
you are able to outlast the energizer bunny.
you get drunk just so you can sober up.
your survival kit has a pound of coffee & a grinder.
you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
you sleep with your eyes open.
your hand is molded to the shape of your coffee mug.
you answer your door before anyone knocks.
you spend every vacation in Kona, Hawaii.
your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
you have your blood tested, the results come back in acidity levels.
Juan Valdez sends you a thank you card.
First Day Coffee
Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right.
Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his
first job, as a delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse.
His first task was to go out for coffee.
He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the
counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then
finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black,
and two decaf."
~Kavitha Mundra
If your wife makes bad coffee, is that grounds for divorce?
Ready for a groaner......?
Who makes the coffee at your house?
Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible!
It says.............
"HEBREWS!"
submitted by: Bob Roberts ~ Ohio
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch."
But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize"
The blonde says,
"No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands
the ticket to the manager and HE reads...
(Scroll down!!)
(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! .. I PROMISE !)
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"W I N A B A G E L"
~Shawn McDaniels, Ohio~
